How do I reconcile the past 50 years?

In reflection, I believe I have navigated life fairly well. That's not to say that it has not been hard. Dear Lord its been hard. But look where I am at. Life is good despite its challenges. I love who I am. I love what I am doing. I would not be me if not for the choices made and the paths forged. I don't necessarily have any regrets. Except perhaps for a friendship or two l regret losing along the way. Outside of those events, there have certainly been areas where I could have done better. However, I typically apply myself to the best of my abilities and knowledge at the time and so when Ive fallen short, it didn't have a huge detrimental impact. And I have used those moments to learn and grow from. So, on the whole, my past seems to be in good order and I am mostly at peace with it. And the majority of areas that I am not completely at peace with, I have come to accept as scar tissue. Though I do have one infinitely tender spot and as I tend to keep picking at it, it will forever linger. Nothing to be done there, however, but acknowledge it, even use it as a motivation, and carry on.

And the present? I have my health and a positive attitude. I'm ready to respond to anything that comes my way with grace and intention (with the reminder to myself to remember to curb my intensity when my mind becomes laser focused and driven.) I was nicknamed "power house" way back in the day and it applies today. But my aim has become much better and I continue to work on it.

And the future? I can't begin to predict the flow of my life between here and the end and I have no desire too. I will continue to move forward until I can't anymore. The future does not scare me. Though, perhaps it should. I know we are on the precipice of a major worldwide environmental collapse. The poles are shifting and will finish their progression in the next 10-15ish years resulting is worldwide devastation which will make the Noah's Ark flooding event look like a trip to the pool. I could probably "tune in" and come up with a far closer prediction of timing but it is an extremely grim picture which few will survive and feeling it out opens me to sense the overwhelming suffering that will come and so I don't plan to. Yet, despite this knowledge, I move forward with optimism, and I will make the best of the days I have left. Tomorrow is not guaranteed so why worry about anything other than the time I am currently occupying? I am at peace with what will come.

I guess, my big deep dive seems rather shallow at first read, but my overall sense of tranquility and contentment is all encompassing and fills me to the core. I carry it with me even when things become tough and I hope it rubs off on everyone I come in contact with.

One last thought: Fuck Growing Old!