Stripping it Down

Connors 22nd birthday came and went without a whole lot of noise. Unfortunately, he got the flu after I had it and so he wasn't feeling hot and ended up cancelling the "party" part of his weekend plans. He had offered to host game night but ended up just having a single friend drop by for a short visit. Saturday however he piled into a car with another newer group of friends, and they went to Boston to attend a convention for a day. One of the friends is from the area so they crashed and drove back the next day ahead of this mega freeze that has set in. He's rather new to this particular community and is a little self-conscious about it. As such, he has asked me not to really discuss it or the art and creativity it has inspired. I will let him shine in that regard when he is ready but color me impressed. It was an okay trip and he had a decent time.

Last week I took my eldes

t to the weekly community dance group. Willow enjoyed it but they also didn't. She ended up leaving early. With her disabilities, the act of dancing itself was super challenging and painful in the physical sense, and she was also uncomfortable with the amount of concern that was shown when individuals approached her after she took a seat. In addition, my rather obnoxious coworker, K, was in tow and this was their first meeting. Willow was a bit horrified by this person's behavior. I asked Willow to list all the things that were triggering. I listed them back and said, "sounds like a typical autistic behavior." Recognition and realization dawned on their face..

Upon hearing that I am spending my personal time with this coworker, A few people have wondered why. One dear sweet friend, M, was truly concerned that I will let this woman push me around. M was relieved when I told her that I had convinced K that I don't have cell service at my house. It allows me to control contact and have a solid personal boundary between us. Anyway, I'm well aware of K's shortcomings but I think there is room between us that we both can grow and be strengthened by connecting. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut and I need to learn how to be freer with my tongue. Her general "I don't give a fuck" attitude gives me the license to be more playful, feisty and dramatic. As I have mentioned, K and I attend the community dance together sometimes. I tend to take off my glasses and close my eyes. For me the experience with music and movement has been purely personal even though I am in a communal space. Which is fine but I can do that at home... so am I minimizing something that could be more?

One of the few rules is no talking on the dance floor, This has its challenges for her (if you know you know) So... I have an idea brewing for the next one she attends to benefit us both. I intend to wear my glasses and stay simultaneously externally and internally engaged and interactive with her (aka Spinning her in constant and continual circles). She craves interaction. But quid pro quo, I am going to paint my mouth like it is tied closed with a shoestring. that way when she does look at me she will be reminded to keep a lid on it. Perhaps we can both push past our discomforts and grow as a result. And then again maybe not. But hey Im here now and might as well try.

The time of intense personal self-reflection is over. I have moved away from the introspective period that I was deep diving into. With my newfound self-knowledge and understanding, I have begun looking forward. The time of dream shaping the future has arrived. The course is being deeply considered and carefully plotted. Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be? However, just as one would need to do after getting out of the pool, there is a period of drying off before being ready to meet the world head on. And the first step to drying off is.... stripping.

And by stripping I am not meaning in a sexy way but as in unpeeling. Removing the worn layers, the unnecessary roughage, the accumulation of the worlds input on who and what I think I am. I am becoming... and that is a process. So I am sloughing it off. Actually, reconsidering, I suppose in the end, standing there is all my glory, I might be a little sexy after all. And if not sexy, radiant and glowing with my honest sense of self with greater empathy and understanding. At least that is what I am aiming for.